{"product_id":"lag-without-coffee-tee","title":"Lag Without Coffee Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eSomeone said something.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou heard it.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eYour response is coming. It's loading. It's almost there. Any second now.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e…\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLAG DETECTED. RESPONSE TIME: CRITICAL.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBefore coffee, there's a three-second delay on everything. Reactions. Conversations. Basic motor functions. You're present in body but your brain is still buffering somewhere back in bed, waiting for a connection that hasn't dropped in yet.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThen coffee arrives.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePING RESTORED. RUNNING AT FULL SPEED.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe \u003cstrong\u003eLag Without Coffee Tee\u003c\/strong\u003e is for anyone whose morning response time is measured in geological time rather than milliseconds. Wear it so people know to wait for it. Wear it as an explanation for the pause. Wear it because you'll get there — it's just going to take a moment.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eCoffee isn't a speed boost. 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