Lag Without Coffee Tee

Someone said something.

You heard it.

Your response is coming. It's loading. It's almost there. Any second now.

…

LAG DETECTED. RESPONSE TIME: CRITICAL.

Before coffee, there's a three-second delay on everything. Reactions. Conversations. Basic motor functions. You're present in body but your brain is still buffering somewhere back in bed, waiting for a connection that hasn't dropped in yet.

Then coffee arrives.

PING RESTORED. RUNNING AT FULL SPEED.

The Lag Without Coffee Tee is for anyone whose morning response time is measured in geological time rather than milliseconds. Wear it so people know to wait for it. Wear it as an explanation for the pause. Wear it because you'll get there — it's just going to take a moment.

Coffee isn't a speed boost. It's just getting you back to baseline.

• 100% ring-spun cotton — smooth enough for low-latency days
• 4.5 oz/yd² (153 g/m²) — lightweight but sturdy
• Double-stitched neckline and sleeves — built for high-ping mornings
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping — clean, comfortable fit
• Unisex fit — sizes S to 3XL
• Available in 13 colours

⚠️ Disclaimer: Ka-fey Cafe accepts no responsibility for delayed reactions, missed cues, late responses or general high-ping behaviour before coffee.