Noob Without Coffee Tee

You didn't read the instructions.

You're not sure where you are. You're not sure what you're supposed to be doing. You clicked something and now everything looks different and you don't know how to undo it.

Welcome to the server. You are a noob.

Before coffee, everyone's a noob. The controls don't make sense. The map is confusing. Someone more experienced is sighing at you from across the room and you're not entirely sure why.

Then coffee arrives.

TUTORIAL COMPLETE. SKILL TREE UNLOCKED.

The Noob Without Coffee Tee is for anyone who needs caffeine before they can figure out basic life mechanics. Wear it as an honest disclaimer. Wear it so people lower their expectations. Wear it because at least you showed up — even if you have no idea what you're doing yet.

Coffee doesn't make you an expert. It just makes you functional enough to fake it.

• 100% ring-spun cotton — forgiving enough for beginners
• 4.5 oz/yd² (153 g/m²) — lightweight but sturdy
• Double-stitched neckline and sleeves — built to survive the learning curve
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping — clean, comfortable fit
• Unisex fit — sizes S to 3XL
• Available in 13 colours

⚠️ Disclaimer: Ka-fey Cafe accepts no responsibility for wrong button presses, accidental team kills, getting lost in easy areas or general cluelessness before coffee.