W@nker Without Coffee Tee

You're not a w@nker. You're just uncaffeinated. There's a difference. Barely, but still.

The W@nker Without Coffee Tee is for the ones who know their limits — and that limit is exactly zero social interaction before the first cup. A love letter to self-awareness, and a gentle heads-up to everyone else.

Wear it. Own it. Then go get a coffee and become a functioning human again.

100% ring-spun cotton — soft enough for your most insufferable mornings
4.5 oz/yd² (153 g/m²) — lightweight but sturdy
Double-stitched neckline and sleeves for extra durability
Shoulder-to-shoulder taping for a clean fit
Unisex fit — sizes S to 3XL
Available in 11 colours

⚠️ Disclaimer: Ka-fey cafe accepts no liability for wanker-adjacent behaviour before coffee. We've all been there.

Size guide